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Phantom Costs

Camp costs $2,000. That’s what’s on the invoice. That’s the number in my head. That’s the number I told myself when my daughter asks to go. $2,000. Fine. We can swing that. And then my wife gets “The List” from a friend. The shirts. (Plural. Not one shirt. Shirts.) The skirts. The tights. The slippers. The water sandals. (Different from...

My Obsession Makes My Wife Nervous

My daughter’s at sleepaway camp in the Catskills. First time. Eight-hour drive from Toronto. She called home. Told my wife it was POOOOOOOOURING.☔ I knew. I’d been checking the weather there every day since she left. Not because I could do anything about it. Just… checking. Imagining how much fun she was having. Or not having. Here’s a weird thing...

I Returned My On Clouds

My daughter looked at my sneakers and said, “Tatty. No.” (That’s “Dad” in my house.) That’s it. That’s all I got. “Tatty. No.” I’m wearing Nikes. NIKES! I grew up in the era of Bo Jackson. “Bo Knows.” The Slam Dunk Contest. Nike wasn’t just a brand — it was THE brand. My Nikes? Cross trainers from the 00’s. They...

Burnout Doesn’t Read Contracts

Fractured ribs. Autoimmune illness. Half her savings — gone. Fraudulent startup. Expensive executive coaches who changed nothing. Clothes she never wore. Business ideas she never started. Stuff in every corner. Can’t sleep. Can’t think. “I cannot recognize my place.” “I try to organize a part, and it’s completely scattered the next day.” That sums up an email I got from...

Why Was My Neighbor Wearing Moose Antlers?

So I walk into my elevator. And there’s Taylor. Taylor is my neighbor. My wife thinks she’s so cool. Always smiling. Always has something going on. Today she’s wearing a pink hat. With furry moose antlers on top. I look at the antlers. I look at Taylor. “Nice antlers.” She laughs. “It’s a Jays thing. Vladdy ears.” I nod like...